The journey to wholeness has traveled down the long road of rejection, and circled the mountain of fear and brokenness. Like the Israelites whose journey became an endless travail, so too has been my journey to discover that I am God’s beloved child. It’s a truth we share as humans, the incarnation of God. I wonder how many of us know it though, really know it, and more than that, live a life of freedom, peace, and love, our inheritance as His children. There is no “us and them”, just the human family on a journey to become aware of God’s life within us.  I have found a spiritual home that has drawn me so completely, my roots have been dug up, packed in a huge moving truck and headed to our new home in Tennessee.  The journey is compelling, leading us to a new church home, and a new internal spiritual residence as well. I’m home even as I journey. For the first time in my life, there is peace and hope. I scarcely know how to be, how to exist without a sense of impending doom and fear, brought on by faulty theology, a theology that speaks of sin and separation from God, the God of love. That faulty theological journey caused such disparity and inner upheaval, my only solace was found in alcohol, drugs, and a lifetime of self-defeating thoughts and destructive patterns of behavior. I take full responsibility for my choices though.

I have loved God since I became aware of Him, truly aware of His presence, around the age of thirteen, about the same time I knew I was gay. That sense of longing and awareness continues even now.  I had an encounter with God so transformative that I couldn’t help but to believe. There too, began the crushing path set out by well meaning religious folk who through a misguided theology of hate and exclusion masked as “love”, led me to believe I was the most vile creature on earth, and certainly unworthy of God’s love and approval. I eventually left the church altogether nineteen years ago, when the pain of being a Christian who is gay made my life not worth living. I never turned my back on God though.  I held on in the midst of all the vehemence. Two years ago I decided to try once again to find fellowship in the only Christian community I knew, the Evangelical church.  After attending a local church for six months, the entire time feeling that I was betraying my true self, an incident occurred with an elder that devastated me at the time, although it didn’t surprise me. Here is the letter I sent to the Pastor after the incident occurred.

December 12, 2013
Pastor Michael,

Florida

Last night was a sleepless night for me, and today was particularly difficult, the result of the homophobic slur that was made for all to hear in my presence, and caught on tape I believe. As I drove away from Crossroads church, I was a sad mix of tears and anger. Perhaps I was naïve to think that I could be part of a church again on my journey. I knew at some point someone would make a homophobic comment, but I was greatly disappointed that it came from an elder, who is supposed to be a spiritually mature leader. He wouldn’t dare call someone the “N” word, or make a Jewish slur, but it’s still ok in the church to mock gay people.  So pathetic.  I just don’t have the energy to wage this battle of reconciliation with the very people who are supposed to be known by their love.  One is left to wonder what will become of all of us who love Christ, are gay, and want to be in fellowship, but are still dehumanized by the very people who claim to love God. I have decided to back away from Crossroads church for now, and must cancel our get together for Monday.  The Evangelical church has a long way to go before they realize that gay people are not the vile creatures we are made out to be.  It’s always easier to overlook your own stench, when you focus on someone else. To the elder whose ignorance and lack of grace was on display last night, I would simply share Romans 14:10, 13, “But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in your brother’s way”.

In Christ,
Kim

I had given up on church forever until the journey led me to GracePointe Church via the Internet. Here is a group of people willing to do the Godly thing, draw a line in the sand so to speak, and decide that to truly be like Jesus, everyone was welcome and celebrated. Here is their statement: “God loves us immensely and is not to be feared. At GRACEPOINTE we believe that Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection teaches us who we are – the beloved children of God. We love God best when we fulfill our lives’ purpose of loving ourselves and others.” The beauty of social media and technology has allowed us to become part of this community from afar. Here is another letter of a very different sort, this one from a staff member at GracePointe. The love of God is so evident, and we were amazed and blessed to be so welcomed.

April 29, 2105
Dear Kim,

One of our staff members shared with me your message of a few weeks ago about joining the church and taking communion with us via the Internet.  Welcome to our family.  I am personally thrilled to have you join us on our journey.

I don’t know if you watched last Sunday, but I used your message as an example of the light that I believe GracePointe Church is in the world.  Thank you so much for your continued support.  We love you, and we are very proud to call you our sister.

“XXXX”
Board Member

Having visited GracePointe two times over the last six months, we want to be part of this remarkable group of people who exemplify the love of God.  The love of God as incarnation.  As you read this, we have uprooted from our former home in Naples, Florida and are compelled to relocate to our new home in Franklin, Tennessee, all because of a community of people who love God and live it every day. The journey to wholeness has traveled down the long road of rejection, and circled the mountain of fear and brokenness. Thank you Lord and GracePointe Church, I’m home even as I journey.