There’s a reflection on the screen of my iPad staring back at me.  Is it me or the other me?  Who is it that I see reflected?  I had a momentary bit of clarity earlier today as I drove around town trying to decide where to go and what to do, landing inevitably at a place that would define who I want to be today, the Writer.

I was a Golf Pro for a few hours earlier this morning, having traveled to work to give a few golf lessons, the incessant rain precluding me form plying my trade.  I have taken my leave, an afternoon free to be me, or the other me.  They say the distance between insanity and genius is measured by success.  Does anyone else war within as I do?  The clarity came as I realized either I’m descending into madness, or I’m extremely close to a break through in believing in myself, and finding the wholeness I long for.  Hopefully the latter.

Additional clarity came as I waited in line for my afternoon coffee, a ritual that oft times brings a caffeinated resolution to many of life’s quandaries. I concluded I couldn’t be a total loser as I have invented and reinvented myself numerous times over the years, always out of necessity and survival.  I have invented myself as a chef, LPGA golf professional, and most recently, a writer.

I can be decisive when I decide what to be decisive about.  Until then I’m undecided. When I put my mind to something, I’m like a dog with the proverbial bone, relentless and unstoppable.  It’s interesting that it all begins in the mind.  “As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is”.  Proverbs wisdom.  The power of our thoughts being all that holds us back from our true selves, and a life of belovedness in God and precious freedom.

The reflection staring back at me continues to ask questions and seek answers.  I am learning I am the beloved child of God, and unlearning all the faulty theology that kept me a prisoner of fear, and locked tightly away from all that is truly me. The answers are right there when you have a moment of clarity.