I’ve never been surer of anything in my life, even though I don’t know the details. Like an inviting path leading to who knows where, this is my present reality. Having recently uprooted a life of thirteen years and relocating to a new state, a new life, and a new place called home, there are lots of unknowns. But of this I am sure, we are meant to be in this place at this time. Life is unfolding at its own pace, and carries with it the unknowable and shadowy details of opportunity, time, and definitiveness. There is no getting around it. I don’t know the next step yet. The fact that we are co-creators with the Creator of the universe is astounding really. Our move to Tennessee has been the most natural occurrence, never a moment fraught with second-guessing or fear. Full steam ahead.

There is a recurring theme of “reality” invading my awareness the last few days however. It’s almost like a God smack trying to get my attention. Or when Cher smacks Nicolas Cage in the movie “Moonstruck”, and utters the profound words, “snap out of it”.  Numerous experiences recently have me questioning reality. A rousing conversation with a good friend about the Zen mind and acceptance of what is with no judgment, began this period of introspection and reality check.  Last week several of us enjoyed a wonderful production of great American theater in the form of Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie, with it’s theme of the difficulty of accepting reality. Several daily devotionals and two books that I’m inhaling as deeply as the wonderful aroma of the freshly brewed coffee in this coffee house, are dealing with trust amid uncertainty, and living with reality, or not.

My present reality is simply this, I don’t have a job. This first month in a new place has been the most fertile and life affirming time of my life, all the while unemployed. Normally I would be freaking out, and yet a peace has settled upon me that is almost unsettling. It’s not my normal response to life’s, shall we say, interesting twists and turns. I attribute it to grace, and the fact that my underemployment has allowed ample time to pursue numerous opportunities to help those around me. I have cooked for our homeless friends, and opened our home for meals around the big wooden table. I’m doing good work, the best and most fulfilling work of my life actually. It’s an answer to prayer. This temporary respite from the reality of the work a day world allows for abundant interactions with a broad spectrum of people, some known and those yet to be known. As I am learning my belovedness, I am an agency of God’s love in this world. We all are. These cumulative experiences have filled my soul and given me a sense of purpose and I dare say, a sense of calling. Webster’s defines calling as, “a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence”. The reality is, all this good work doesn’t pay, at least not in terms of dollars and cents.  So how do we define success? What constitutes a life well lived? My dilemma is the question of am I dealing in reality, or skipping through a season of ridiculous non-reality?  I’m not sitting home eating bon-bons mind you. I have sent out numerous resume’ packages and gone on interviews. I sense a new direction during this season, but I’m not good at waiting for details, or waiting period. This time off from the daily grind is giving me cherished and focused time to write.  What a blessing.  In reality though, should I just get a little job to tide me over so to speak? Not a career type job, just something to bring in a few shekels?

Death has a way of snapping you into reality, especially when it’s a loved one taken way too soon. The heartbreaking and early death of my niece at the age of thirty-eight has certainly brought reality to light. Like the first gush of a cold shower, her passing is the crystalizing thought and reality of a life gone too soon, and the trailing tears and lives left behind by such a tragedy. Her passing has saddened me and challenged me at the same time.  The burden and disillusion of lives unfulfilled, challenge me to live and be my fullest and best during this one precious life. How does that play out in reality?  I sit here on this cold day gazing alternately out of the old wooden framed window streaked with rain, working on the craft of story, and pursuing my goal of writing my truth. I pray others will benefit, but in reality who knows?  I’m pursuing the culinary gifts God has entrusted me with and using those gifts to bless others. It has been without a doubt the most fulfilling work I have ever done. That reality gives me hope and joy, and feeds my soul.  I will continue serving others with all that I am. I have no desire to work in the Hospitality industry ever again though, as a paying gig.

The reality is my days are spent in a mix of trusting God’s leading in this new and yet to be defined season, where I’m doing the best and most meaningful work of my life, and the very present reality of not realizing financial security in the form of a pay check. I’m getting paid in the commerce of love and fulfillment, in the knowledge I am doing exactly what I can do today. I’ve never been surer of anything in my life, and even though I don’t know the next step, I’m confident to be co-creating this precious life, and that gives me hope in my present reality.

Many of you have shared with me that you are doing great work in your own lives, and want to do more of it, but your job is getting in the way of pursuing your passion. Please scroll to the end of the page and let us know how your present reality fits in with what you are passionate about!